.Sunday, May 15, 2011 ' 11:24 AM Y
~Whip It Real Hard~
Expectation leads to disappointment... I had never really know the meaning of this phrase until recently. People who are close to me know that i am someone who will only fight a battle i have confidence in. These short few weeks i have been spending times with her on almost every weekends and some of the weekdays. Time felt stagnant being with her. Outsiders' perspective of us would be a sweet couple. Of course with those pictures which i believe some of you have seen and some intimacy. It's naturally for me to think that she has feeling for me to a certain extent. It's on the wedding night that i really felt that we are really couple. Sitting on the bay of MBS admiring the night scenery of city with no gap between us. My arm went around her back and rested somewhere on her thigh. If a girl has no feeling towards a guy, would she even allow the action i did? Definitely is a NO! Unless she is a flirt but i can swear, from my eyes i can tell she is not. Her character is shy towards strangers and quiet if you aren't really close with her. This doesn't even fit into the category of a flirt. That very morning, i sent her back home. Wished to declared my feeling to her based on the clues i received. However, fear always lingers around my mind. Some negative clues such as her forgetfulness to reply my message and her "uninterested to continue conversation" short reply sometimes received from her really made me to have a second thought. I guess forgetfulness is one of features that attracted me, she seems so cute whenever she have the "sotong" expression trying to recap something. As for the short reply, i understand that she is a quiet girl by nature. In the end, i could only see her leaving as the lift door closes. 4 days passed and i finally got to see her again. This time round, i tried to gather more clues from her. She was on the swing with my phone and i was just be her side squatting on the ground. I attempted to lie on her shoulder and back and there was no resistance from her. Smell of her hair and jacket is pleasant. What was on my mind was hoping time would just pause for the both of us. But still it reached 10.30 which signals for her to go home. This time round, i am sure she will accept my confession. But "I prefer to stay single" from her really pierced through my heart. The awkward moment ends with the help of the lift alarm as the door stayed open for quite a while. I looked onto the bright side comforting myself that she is just not ready for another relationship yet. 2 days passed and we met again. If a girl, doesn't really have feeling for a guy, would she even agree to go out with him again after the cat has been let out of the bag? Majority of cases would be avoidance from the guy so that a false hope would not be portraited to the guy. On that night, walked our way home from Yishun to Sembawang, throughout the journey, i was determined to understand her relationship background more and what her mind was thinking. To summarise the whole conversation, her most hurtful sentence was "don't wait for me ba". I can say love is stubborn, despite hearing that, i was still determine to wait for her and hopefully one day, my perseverance would touch her. Walked my way home and the route seems insanely long. I guess i am just too bothered by her comment. But at least, we are still as closed as we used to be. Maybe one day we may advanced to another stage. Love is just like playing a chess game. The right move has to be executed in order to win the game. I guess i was just too rush about winning her heart which screwed the whole thing up. I guess since we are still close means i have a chance of playing a second set of game? A less aggressive move must be made so that she wont feel pressured being out with me. These 2 days must have really caught her off guard to hear such words from my mouth. We may be meeting today, i will still treat her like my girlfriend despite it's only a one sided love.
If you happen to read my blog, this message is for you. My feeling for you is genuinely true. All my sacrifices are not pretentious but from the bottom of my heart. Just wanna say I love you <3
~*Chase*~™
